My New Word - Palk!

I have been criticized for using common works to mean that something is not up to par, or that something has a particular shortcoming. Like if a company changed its logo and I thought it wasn't as good as their old logo or fell short of other, more current logos, I might have said, "That new logo is kind of gay." An urban dictionary defines a usage of "gay" as being something that is stupid or unfortunate, but that won't satisfy some people. It seems like if you use the word "gay" and you don't happen to be gay, then you are guilty of all manner of unpardonable sins and breaches of etiquette. For me, I was using the term in a way not to offend people, but that was not good enough. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear. I understand this and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings when I'm just making an offhand comment that isn't directed at any non-specified group or subgroup.

So, I thought I could go back to the word that I previously used a lot - lame. For Example, "That new logo is pretty lame." But without question, there are many people who are actually lame, and they might be offended. I haven't heard of this, but I don't want to get caught in a new crossfire.

Then there was another old standby - weak. "That new logo is weak." But let's face it. There are lot of people who are just physically weak. We might disregard them as being too lazy to go to the gym or use dynamic tension, but there is a subset of people, like ones suffering from myasthenia gravis, who are weak through no fault of their own and we shouldn't offend them, especially if we aren't trying to do so.

So I came up with my own word - palk. Here's the definition:

Palk - (pronouned pock, like walk or talk) - adjective used to describe the state of a thing or idea as being substandard or lacking in some way. It is used only as a specific literal descriptor and cannot be used as a general statement about any group or subgroup of people or unrelated objects. For example, "That new logo is kind of palk" could NEVER mean that someone hates Native American people or is implying that baby seals should be harmed. This would be an incorrect usage like when someone says something will "stump" your growth instead of "stunt" your growth. Additionally, palk is not a proper noun and has absolutely no connection to any proper nouns. For example, palk is not a derivative or connected in any way with the Palk Strait in India. While some people think that a vacation on the Palk Strait might be palk, the Palk Strait itself is totally unrelated to the word palk. If you say, "That new logo is kind of palk" and someone thinks that the Palk Strait is lacking in some way, it would be a thought of their own ignorance of the meaning of the word palk. In the same way, palk does not derive itself from the family name Palk or any of the descendants of Sir Robert Palk. If a person, in their use of the word palk, implies that any member of the Palk family is substandard or lacking in some way, that would be an improper use of the word unless specifically identified as such. Members of the Palk family may, in fact, be palk, but that would just be a coincidence unless there was a statement like, "As a self-proclaimed theological scholar, Beauregarde Palk is palk." Note that this statement is specific in nature (as an unspecified reference would be a misuse of the word palk) and could never be construed to mean that other members of Beauregarde's immediate or extended family are palk. They would have to be specifically identified as being palk for anyone to be able to make that assertion.

Finally, as the whole purpose of the word palk is to not offend anyone in a non-specific manner, it is socially unacceptable to be offended non-specifically. For example, if you hear, "That new logo is palk" and you were the designer of the logo, you might rightly be offended. But if anyone else is offended, that offense should be noted as being self-inflicted and saying that you are offended should be regarded as a monumental social gaffe at the same level as eating your salad with the wrong fork.

Varying degrees of palk are referred to as more palk, less palk, least palk, and most palk. Palker or palkest should not be used as these are not real words. Also, trying to use the work palk in coarse language, e.g. by saying "palk you," is not only an improper use of the word, but it universally identifies the user as both immature and feeble.

Now that I have a word that can't possibly non-specifically offend anyone, I need to get back to my job of the insightful, critical review of current events. If you think this post is palk, you are welcome to do so, but I will not be offended for several reasons. First, as the author, I know that this post is definitely not palk, so there. If, by saying the post is palk, you are trying to imply that bald people are stupid or that chicks don't really dig guys with skinny arms, I won't be offended by that either, because that would be a totally improper use of the word palk and I certainly know better that to be offended by someone who doesn't even know what the word palk means.